Depression can manifest differently for people. Do not judge, do not stigmatize. You never really know what someone else is going through. Regardless of age, gender, education, race/ethnicity, income, faith, spirituality etc….
This is not to say anyone should disclose their mental illness to everyone. Not at all in the wrong situation someone could try to use it against you. However ignoring your symptoms and not getting treatment is what I am referring to. I “use to be” all about medication. Until I found out I was misdiagnosed and have been taking a crap load of “wrong medications” for seven years. Plus one of them has caused my hair to thin and start falling out. I’m going to starting doing what my ancestors did, use all natural herbs. I think medication does work for some individuals though just not for me. Therapy is really helping.
I have my ancestors spirits and fight in me. I bend at times but I never break. I come back stronger and ready to advocate. I grew up around alcoholics and now I hate alcohol. Or being around people drinking it, it reminds me of my childhood. I also suffered childhood emotional neglect, sexual abuse and domestic violence. I tried self help books because I was so ashamed to talk about it with anyone but I knew I needed to address the situations. After learning I was misdiagnosed the psychologist made a very good point. She said, “you’re so mad inside because you have been hurt so many times. And now you will not let anyone get close to you. Not even as a friend and when someone offends you. The response you give back is not just the hurt they caused but all the hurt you have experienced as a whole.”
I do like my therapist and she does not push. I have shared without having to go into a lot of triggering details.
It’s been a while since I have posted. I have been doing some processing a few things were not adding up. I did some research. Then made an appointment with a Psychologist (PhD). After many sessions, two 150 page personality test and six weeks of mood charts. She also requested my records from two hospitalizations. I was referred to a therapist. I have had a few sessions with her as well. Both spoke and concluded I was misdiagnosed in 2012. I do not have bipolar one. I was placed on Celexa for depression. Then had a reaction which gave manic symptoms. For some reason I do not do well on antidepressants. This is not the first one I had a reaction to. We ruled out borderline personality. I told my therapist at this point I’m so frustrated. I am not interested in adding any other diagnosis to my portfolio only to maybe find out years later it’s wrong. I’m tired of the mental health merry go round.
I do not need a new label. We can just treat my symptoms and focus on healing from traumas. Since 2016 I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and insomnia a lot.